Why Can't I Sleep?
And 5 tips to help you sleep
Being unable to sleep is horrible. Full Stop.
It's also a time where worries, bad memories and physical discomfort seem to take over.
And a lot of the time we have absolutely no idea why we can't sleep. Which makes the whole thing even worse because after a few nights of not sleeping we begin to feel like we will never sleep well again.
If you've just had a baby and that's keeping you up all night, you suffer from the impact of sleep deprivation, but you know why you are not sleeping and you know that particular form of suffering will have an end (after a few months at least ;-) ). If you've broken your arm and the pain is keeping you up at night, that's horrible - but you know your arm will heal, the pain will stop and you will sleep again.
But what if it feels like there is absolutely no reason why you can't sleep?
When this happens we often get into 'The Vicious Cycle of Sleeplessness' depicted below.
What you'll learn from this article
Your need for safety is greater than your need for sleep
Your mind needs time to wind down and process before bed time
You need to build up sleep pressure during the day to sleep at night
Sleep is regulated by the sleep-wake cycle
Light and temperature control this cycle by triggering the release of cortisol and melatonin
Cortisol should be high in the morning and low at night as it makes us alert
Melatonin should be low in the morning and high at night because it makes us sleepy
Safety
Wind down time
Daylight in the day
Dim light in the evening, darkness at night
Activities that are in line with the sleep-wake cycle
Read the article to learn more and to find out what the paradoxical intention is ;-)
The Psychology of Sleep
Your mind's need for safety is greater than its need for sleep.
I learned once, that the mind's need for safety is greater than its need for sleep. From an evolutionary perspective this makes a lot of sense - it makes sure that if you haven't got a safe cave to sleep in you don't fall into a deep enough sleep that would let you be approached by predators or enemies.
The problem is now a days most of us have a safe place to sleep. But our lifestyle has created an environment in which the message that we are safe doesn't quite reach the mind.
Worries about deadlines, to do lists, conflicts, the environment, the state of the world, traffic, bills, our families, the future and more, keep us in a constant state of alertness.
Additionally our evening routines rarely involve a wind down period in which we could allow our mind to let go of all the above things. We race around all day, fall into bed exhausted and expect to fall asleep immediately.
But we've forgotten that there has been very little time during the day for our brain to process. The first moment to process tends to be when we turn off the lights and the never ending rush of daily stimuli finally stops.
What happens when you try shift from 5th gear in your car, driving 100 miles per hour, straight into first gear?
Yeah - that doesn't go so well, right? You know that hurts your car, well it also hurts your brain. You need to shift gears slowly, making time for processing and unwinding throughout the day.
Or have you slowed down too much?
Another thing I've commonly seen when working with clients who have sleep problems is that people stop doing things like exercise, going out, meeting friends or their hobbies.
Why? Because they're too tired.
The problem with this is that we actually need to be active to be tired enough to sleep at night. That's one of the reasons regular naps (longer than 30 minutes) are not recommended for people with sleep problems.
Something called 'sleep pressure' needs to build up during the day to help you sleep at night. By reducing your activity levels too much during the day you might find there is not enough 'sleep pressure' for you to sleep at night.
The Physiology of Sleep
The other aspect of sleeping, or should I say not sleeping, are the physiological processes that go on behind the scenes, which should make us wakeful during the day and sleepy at night.
First of all I would just like to highlight:
Sleep is an essential, physiological process. At some point you will fall asleep.
I accept that there are exceptions, but for most people the above is true. At some point you will sleep. Trust me.
Second of all, you need to know what those physiological processes are so you can work with your body to get to sleep instead of against it.
The Sleep-Wake Cycle:
Each 24 hours (roughly) your body goes through a sleep-wake cycle during which there is a pattern of changes in your hormones, neurotransmitters and gut activity (actually your gut bacteria also have a sleep-wake cycle).
During the waking period your body and mind should be:
Alert
Ready to digest
Ready to move
Capable of dealing with stressors
Capable of taking in and synthesising new information
During the sleeping period your body and mind should be:
Sleepy
Reduced readiness for digestion
Reduced readiness for movement
Reduced capability to deal with stressors
Focused on healing
Focused on renewal and clearing up of immune cells
Forming memories and synaptic connections
Although there is some genetic variation (with some people being natural 'night owls' while others are natural 'larks'*) this cycle seems to be regulated by light and temperature. Day light and higher temperatures trigger the wake processes, while darkness and cooler temperatures trigger the sleep processes.
Let's assume it starts to get darker and cooler after 6pm (I know this is not the case in some hemispheres, but for simplicities sake I'm going to ignore that for a minute), and lighter and brighter after 6am.
This means that ideally between 6pm and 6am you should not be engaging in the activities your body is ready for during the day - including eating, taking in new information, dealing with problems or being exposed to bright lights.
Hands up those of you who actually do this! - in fact, comment below, I wan't to hear from you :-)
*A quick point about night owls
If you are a night owl you might find it difficult to get to sleep by 10pm. In fact, going to bed too early could cause you sleep problems as your body may just not be ready for sleep yet.
I want to qualify this statement by saying that you may also just be in a routine of going to bed late, making it hard for you to fall asleep earlier. This is very individual and you will be the expert - try to figure out the right time for you to go to bed and use the tips in this article to help you to get to sleep.
Hormones and your Sleep-Wake Cycle
Light and temperature regulate your sleep-wake cycle by triggering increased or reduced release of certain hormones. The two I want to speak about here are cortisol and melatonin.
Cortisol and your Sleep
You may have heard about cortisol as your stress hormone before. This is the hormone that gets up-regulated to help you deal with chronic stress and inflammation.
It's also the hormone that helps you get up out of bed in the mornings - thanks to something called 'The Cortisol Awakening Response'.
Source: www.dutchtest.com
Opening your eyes in the morning, allowing daylight to flood into specific receptor cells, triggers a rapid rise in your cortisol levels within 30 minutes of waking up.
This rise helps you feel awake, motivated to start the day and it triggers a clear out of old or broken immune cells (thus playing an important role in regulating inflammation).
Throughout the day your cortisol levels should drop slowly, until reaching their lowest level at night. When your cortisol is low you can feel sleepy and relaxed - allowing you to fall asleep.
The problem is many of us experience cortisol spikes throughout the day.
What causes cortisol spikes in the day?
I would love for you to go through the below list (which is not exhaustive by the way) and note which of these apply to you. Comment below and let me know what might be spiking your cortisol levels throughout the day:
Caffeine (coffee, tea, dark chocolate)
Worries
Sending emails and waiting for a response
Loud, unpredictable noise
Traffic
Conflict
Low blood sugar
Screen time (computers, TV, phones)
Do you think your cortisol levels might be off?
Work one-to-one with me to get a better understanding of your sleep-wake cycle through the use of functional testing (like the Dutch Test used for the graph above).
Book free 15 minute intro call
Melatonin and your Sleep
Whilst cortisol should be high in the morning and low in the evening, melatonin should be low in the morning and high in the evening. In fact, it should be rising in the last two hours before bedtime.
That's because this hormone allows you to feel relaxed and sleepy. It's also a potent anti-inflammatory hormone.
If your melatonin levels are unable to rise sufficiently in the evening you may have a difficult time falling asleep.
What stops Melatonin from increasing in the evening?
Again, I'd love for you to go through the below list and check off any factors that apply to you. Comment below and let me know.
Exposure to blue light (from screens like your phone, iPad, TV and computer)
Exposure to over head lights or excessively bright lights
Not spending enough time outside in daylight during the day (at least 30 minutes)*
Frequently wearing sunglasses when outside
*If you can't get outside at least spend time near a window, looking out into the daylight.
The Conditions for Sleep
So let's summarise the key things necessary for sleep:
A feeling of safety
Time to wind down before bed
Time spent in daylight during the day
Time spent in dim light in the evening
Cooler temperatures in the evening and when sleeping
Limiting activities intended for the 'waking' part of your cycle to the day time (this includes eating, working, moderate-high intensity exercise, problem-solving, intake of new information)
Focus on activities conducive to the 'sleeping' part of your cycle during the evening (including processing, journalling, prayer, meditation, gentle exercise like yoga or stretching, talking about the day to loved ones, physical contact, relaxing and creative activities)
My Top Tips To Help With Sleep
1Create a relaxing and predictable evening routine.
2Get plenty of day light exposure during the day, but turn off bright, over head lights and blue lights in the two hours before bed.
3Take time to process your day before you get into bed. Spend time journalling, writing a to do list or addressing your worries as part of your evening routine. You can read more about addressing worries in this article.
4 Eat during the day and fast at night (I'll write more about the importance of this for your immune and gut health in a future article so keep your eyes out).
5 If nothing else works try the 'paradoxical intention' - tell yourself you are not allowed to fall asleep and do everything you can to keep your eyes open.
More about the paradoxical intention:
Have you ever been in a meeting/class/lecture/sermon and suddenly felt incredibly sleepy?
Like you could just drop your head onto the table and have the best sleep of your life? If only you were allowed?
This is the principle of the paradoxical intention. There is something about removing the pressure to sleep that allows our body's natural ability to sleep to kick in. The stress of not being able to sleep or of having to sleep is gone - and suddenly we can sleep.
In fact, this is a great way to break out of the vicious sleep cycle if you're in it ;-)
Have you ever tried this strategy? Comment below and let me know your experiences!
Or do you have some other weird and wonderful tips? Let us know below!