We live in a culture where we are constantly reminded that we deserve me time, breaks and treats. Often in the form of adverts (think soft drinks, chocolates and face creams) but also in the form of social media posts which give us the feeling everyone else is constantly doing something ‘restful’ or fun.
Because how often do we really post about washing the dishes or organising our mailbox?
But here’s the thing,
doing ‘restful’ things is only restful when we’ve done the work.
It’s not really restful to binge watch Netflix if your sink is overflowing with dishes.
It’s not really restful to browse social media when you have 4000 unread and unorganised emails in your inbox.
It’s not really restful to take a 30 minute coffee break with your colleagues when you know you haven’t done the tasks you were meant to that morning.
It’s not really restful to spend the night out with your friends when your home is an overflowing mess.
We are using ‘rest’ to numb ourselves from our overwhelm…which often means the overwhelm festers and grows.
In therapy for depression
we often use a technique called ‘behavioural activation’.
When we are depressed we often slip into the trap of ‘resting’ because we are so tired, unmotivated and listless.
However, all of our ‘resting’ allows tasks and chores and obligations to pile up. So we feel more and more overwhelmed and all of our ‘resting’ never results in us feeling rested.
Behavioural activation works to restore balance - because true rest comes from a balance in the following four types of activities:
Body: Activities that nourish our bodies. Think sleeping, hydrating, good food, movement, getting outside, massages etc.
Achievement: Activities that give us a sense of achievement or completion. Think chores, to do lists, learning.
Connection: Activities that nourish our sense of connection to others. Think conversation, physical touch, socialising, team work.
Enjoyment: Activities that we do because we enjoy them. Think netflix, social media, creative hobbies, games, sports etc.
When we focus too much on any one of these four areas we start to feel unrested.
Summary:
True restedness is a result of achieving a balance between doing and not doing.
Too much of either will leave us feeling overwhelmed and run down.
Next time you feel tired and in need of rest take a moment to think about which types of activities you have been spending a lot of time on recently. Then try to restore balance by focusing on some of the other activities.
Know someone who would like some rest? Share this article with them.
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Courgettes (or you may know them as zucchinis) are in abundance this month in most places in Europe.
I highly recommend slicing them thinly, sprinkling them with sea salt and leaving them for 30 minutes to drain out excess moisture. In the mean time mix olive oil with grated garlic. Pat the courgette slices dry (if you like) then lay out on a lined baking tray. Brush with the garlic olive oil mixture and bake in the oven at 180 degrees C for about 20 minutes.
Serve as a side as they are or toss with white wine vinegar, chopped mint, dill and feta cheese to make a delicious salad.
